I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
