If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
