not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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