I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
