Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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