Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
