I can text with my tongue
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
