oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you didnt know i had herpes?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
