How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
