you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize