dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
