He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
