A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
