I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
