I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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