3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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