Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My boob is missing a layer of skin
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
