Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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