No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.Â
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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