Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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