I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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