I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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