are you so shy because you have an std?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My legs feel like baby dolphins
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