theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
