there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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