I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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