Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
