hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize