Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My friends, they love my intelligence
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
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I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
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I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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