Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So much rum. So many feels.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
