Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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