somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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