well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
