super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Randomize
