I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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