I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
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She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
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Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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