guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
