Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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