We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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