It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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