I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
