a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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