i just wanna soil my oats bro
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
