And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
