Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
