i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
