yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
