i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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