FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
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You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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