my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
should my penis look like a turkey
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
