I just saw a hot homeless man
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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