If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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