im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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