Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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