How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm drive I can fine osifer
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
People in love make me want to vomit
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
