best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
