I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
