Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
