She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
