his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
