Can i not drive my cunt home
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
