Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
