i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
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I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
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I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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