my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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