Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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