The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
