I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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