I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
