rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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