Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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