i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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