I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
