I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
