No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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