the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
