smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
