I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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