awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
