I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
